Coming Soon 2016

coming in January an all new expose on my day to day life and what goes on in my life and no holds barred on anything and anyone so if you read this then prepare yourself for the coming year of truth and the real Kenny

Martika - Toy Soldiers 1989 (Original)/LYRICS on Screen

Olivia Newton-John - If You Love Me, Let Me Know

Mi Vida Loco

Well its been awhile and I have no excuses just that I have been lazy. So  much has happened. Its 5am in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't know what it is but sleep doesn't come easy even with meds, my head feels like a time bomb and I have no control over it. I don't even know when it started, I'd like to say about a week ago. Well lets see as of now I have fairly no one in family that I can talk to. So I now consider myself the only child left as if they have all gone, nor do I wanna connect back with them. I just feel that they cause me more drama then its worth. But the sad thing is that I don't miss them. They say blood is thicker then water but not in my case, because I have some great friends that make up for them. So this week has been hell, on Wednesday I had the day from hell. At work I had the worst panic attack with anxiety, so I called my manager over and explained that I didn't feel comfortable with working with the customers in their best interest and Steve was really cool about it and let me leave early. So my boyfriends mother came and picked me up, and on the way home some stupid bitch came and hit us in the rear end. Oh my G-d I started to freak the fucked out but when I got out of the car to check on the damage the week has been fucked up. Then there's this really fun job I love but I just don't know how long that's gonna last, it just seems that what started out as I would gt 10 to 15 hours has turned to maybe 6 hours and I just don't know if wasting the gas is worth it. But I really love it. I know I love it because the guy I work with is a good friend, but I just need to make it worth my while and I know its the summer and its slow hurry up you holiday shoppers LOL.


Now for the worse is that I think my problems is keeping secrets and I think its time for me to just to let them go maybe that would release all this pent up anger. But I'm not sure because I don't want to be treated any different by anyone, nor do I want their fucking pitty. So that make take a bit more hiding it out. Only  2 people know at work. Then there's this whole Sally Beauty get together that I wanna go to on the 24th but I don't wanna see some of the girls because I hurt one of my best friends who can't seem to forgive me I've tried for so long but to no avail so I think I need to cut my losses and move on. I love her and I've missed so much important things in her life that its too late. And she knows it. If I could change it I would so this will probably be the last time that I chat with any of them. After tis dinner on Monday and just concentrate on me and what I have. So if they read this no I love you but I don't have the energy to fight for this.


Now the other day I had a doctors appointment in Boston, to test for possible cancer and I am trying to stay positive but she did say there was an enlarged tissue and she took some out to run a biopsy but now it called the waiting game these two weeks are gonna drive me insane and I don't have a single friend nor family that I can just sit down and get that comfort from. I guess its true what that psyhic said that when I was born some twat but a curse on me stemming from my mother and father of course, and that I would have nothing but bad luck and I can tell you that's all I have been having since I became an adult.

I don't know why I am typing this because none of my people read this shit, but its my outlet to feel somewhat better. And you know it does. Well another thing is that I officially know that everyone is getting engaged and even though I am also engaged to a wonderful but crazy man who I love with all my heart and soul, our marriage will never happen. Which I think I am coming to terms. But now with no family and no husband I ponder the thought that what would happen to me if something serisouly happen no one has any rights. Which begs the difference when is it my time to be happy.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

My strongest weakness

The keeper of the gates of wisdom

Please let me in

Cause I just can't go thru another heartache again 

Pretty lies and alibis

How could I be so blind

Now alone scared of staying

Slowly going out of mind

He was my strongest weakness

I surround him heart and soul

It's gonna be a long long time

Til I regain control

I'm still a prisoner

Held captive by his memory

He was my strongest weakness 

And I'm afraid he'll always be

I gave my faithful heart to someone

Who couldn't understand

How he held my little world

In the palm of his hand

Now he's gone and like goes own

So if this would ever end

Will I be afraid to risk all

Ever fall in love again

 He was  my strongest weakness

I surround him heart and soul

It's gonna be a long long time

Til I regain control

I'm still a prisoner

Held captive by hs memory

He was my strongest weakness

And I'm afraid he'll always be

He was my strongest weakness 

And I'm afraid he'll always be

I bet somebody gonna eventually say this about my blog but frack you it's mine to tell

This is people will say when they finally realize omg Kennys writing a blog and he may spilled thing that people don't know about me, oh I hate that bitch, and I be like just emptying all this data in my head so I can try and think. So get over it, you shouldn't have done whatever I might tell or not tell just wait your turn if I even get to you not everyone is really that important to me or even matters but I can say there will be dirt about some people that I used to know in a little city call providence mostly good things but I got some bad things to say like en vogue said free your mind and the rest will follow!!!!!

If I wait for just a second more nor I forget what I came here for. My head was full of things to say, but as I open my lips all the words slip away. Oh no and anyway, I can't believe you want to turn the page. And move your life into another stage. You can change the chapter, you can change the book, but the story remains the same if you take a look. For the time we've had I don't wanna be a page in your diary. For the good and bad I don't want to be a page in your diary babe. For the happy the sad I don't want to be another page in your diary. 

Perhaps if I'd held you I could win again. I could take your hands we talking maybe then. That look in your eyes, I always recognize would tell me everything is gonna be fine, your gonna be mine for a long time. For the time we've had I don't wanna be a page in your diary. For the good and bad I don't wanna to be a page in your diary babe. For the happy the sad I don't wanna be another page in your diary. For the happy the sad I don't wanna be just just another page in your HIStory!!!!!!!

Is it an abusive relationship?

Your not a stranger to me and you well you something to see you don't really no how to please. You say a lot but you unaware how to lead. My darling lives in a world that is not much, and old child miss understood every time. Timeless is the creature who is one. And timeless is the prisoner in the sky. Oh you is the beauty beneath the beast would you die of grieving when I leave. Two children too blind to see. I would fall in your shadows I believe. My love is a man who's not been tamed. My love lives in a world that calls pleasure his pain. We come from different worlds but we are the same my love. I never doubted your beauty of chains. I've never doubted your beauty of chains. Who is the beauty, where is my beast. My love there is no beauty without my beast.